While visiting my parents in Montana, I made a startling discovery.  Well, now, that’s not really true.  Maybe confirming is a better adjective than startling.  In my mom’s sitting room she has the following picture of me.  I’m guessing I was…two?

Other than demonstrating that I have never been able to pull-off bangs, take a look at my feet.  Why yes, those are black peau de soie pumps I am rocking.  And yes, I probably knew that they were peau de soie even at that tender age.

Let’s match this photo up with a handful of other early indicators.  First: one of my earliest memories was of shopping with my dad.  I must have been very young because I didn’t know my colors yet.  I did however know that I wanted a pair of red Keds. Yes, that specific.   I just didn’t know how to articulate what I wanted (I have a similar memory with an ice cream shop, not knowing how to read and a disastrous run-in with rum raisin).  At some point my father must have gotten frustrated with me and I ended up with a pair of Winnie the Pooh saddle shoes.  I HATED those shoes. Loathed them.

Exhibit number two.  About this time my mom was called into the office at pre-school. My teacher was concerned because I appeared to prefer playing dress-up to  socializing appropriately with the other children.  Didn’t she understand I had to have my outfit just right before venturing into the complicated social structure of seminal friendship?

The thing is, this isn’t something I ever grew out of.  In fact, the examples get more egregious over time.  There is the rather embarrassing admission that during kindergarten I often secretly packed a second outfit to change into when I got to school just in case I didn’t like what my mom had dressed me in (I think she gave up trying to dress me halfway through the year…battles…wars and all).  There was also my early love for all brand-named…it started in, maybe the third grade?  What third grader even cares if they have an alligator on their t-shirt?  Apparently the same one who notices flatware.

Dare I mention the period in  the sixth grade when I wore paper bags on my feet until my parents relented and bought me a pair of Reeboks (little did they know, I would have done more for less).  And can I tell you just how disappointed I was to have to come of age during the grunge era?  Smells Like Teen Spirit may have changed the world; it certainly didn’t do anything for fashion.

Returning to the photo above, it makes me feel just a little better that I’ve always been this way.  That even before I could count to 10, I felt it was important to look nice while doing it.   Because here is the deal.  I make my profession in a world where caring about cashmere is seen as an intellectual infirmity.  So maybe, just maybe, the fact that I entered the world predisposed to the aesthetic forgives me (just a little) of my materialistic tendencies.

Incidently, my mom also has a picture of my brother at the same age on an adjacent shelf.  In it, he’s wearing cowboy boots.  And nothing else.  So, I guess it could be worse.

Oh, the start of a new school year.  The smell of freshly sharpened pencils and PeeChee folders. New classes.  New teachers.  New friends. And most importantly (at least for me), new school clothes.

And then there is school lunch.  If I’d planned a little better, I could have and should have put together some research and thoughtful commentary on the subject.  As a former K-14 consultant, I’ve seen a lot of bad and ugly when it comes to school cafeterias and am very interested in the politics of what our youth eat for lunch.   Especially in Los Angeles.

Alas, I made vanilla sugar instead. But, more on that later.

I was one of those kids whose mom made her lunch with homemade cookies and sandwiches with real cheese on whole wheat bread.  And I didn’t appreciate it one bit.  Sorry mom.  All I wanted when I was a kid were Chips Ahoy cookies and white Wonder Bread.  My brother and I also shared a strange fascination with Twinkies, in our household, the most forbidden fruit of them all.

And now I’d give anything to have someone, anyone, make me a brown bag lunch with real cheese, good bread and a homemade cookie.  Yeah, yeah…youth wasted on the young and all that.

So, in this spirit, I’ve got a cookie to share with you.  And, I think it would make a pretty perfect addition to anyone’s lunchbox or after-school snack.  The recipe is simple, needs no refrigeration ahead of time and with a couple of little details can go from great to fantastic.

Here is detail number one: vanilla sugar.  Now, if you happen to be rolling in dough (the green kind), you can buy vanilla sugar at specialty stores.  However, if you are just a little patient, you can also make it very easily.  Here is how.  You know the hull from a vanilla bean?  That thing that is left after you scrape-out the seeds?  Just add it to a couple of cups of granulated or superfine sugar.  And then wait a week or two.  The result will be extra special sugar with a slight vanilla taste and pronounced vanilla aroma. Perfect for simple recipes like this one.  I make vanilla sugar every time I use a vanilla bean.  It makes me feel a little less guilty about having to dip into my retirement whenever I buy a jar of vanilla beans.

Now for detail number two: better butter.  Good ingredients always make a difference but I have an admission to make.  If the recipe has lots of other stronger flavors, I usually just buy whatever unsalted butter is on sale.  However, like the vanilla sugar, when you have a recipe with simple ingredients, you want them to be good.

The special butter and special sugar get a really good beating.  Then an egg is added.

And finally, sour cream and flour are folded-in.

The dough will be stiff but soft.

Scoop the dough onto lined-baking sheets.  Add some sugar or sanding crystals if you’d like.  And there you go.

Just like starting fourth grade all over again.

What?  I missed a week?  You noticed?  Okay, here is the deal on last week’s post.  It’s written but needs some revising.  It’s about a food item that I happen to have lots of stories about and I can’t quite seem to pick one.  We’ll get there though.

Vanilla Sugar

• 1 Vanilla bean, devoid of seeds (this is code for used vanilla bean)
• 2 C granulated sugar (superfine will work too)

Combine ingredients and store in a sealed container or heavy ziplock bag.

Special Sugar Cookies

adapted from Everyday Food, 2007

Ingredients

• 2 C all-purpose flour, sifted
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 8 TBS unsalted butter, room temp
• 1 1/2 C sugar (or vanilla sugar) plus some for sprinkling
• 1 large egg
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/4 C sour cream

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees, place one rack in upper third of oven, one in lower third.  Line baking sheets with parchment paper.
2. In medium bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder and salt.
3. Using a standing mixer or electric hand-mixer, beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy (I let it run at least 5 minutes).  Add-in egg and vanilla, beat to combine.
4. With mixer on low, add in flour and sour cream beginning with half of the flour and alternating.  Mix until just combined.
5. Drop  mounds of dough (I used a 1/8 C scoop but go smaller or larger as desired, just remember to adjust cooking time) onto baking sheets leaving 3 inches in between each.  Sprinkle with sugar.  Bake until edges of cookies are firm and bottoms are slightly browned (10-15 minutes for 1/8C size).
6. Transfer to rack to cool.

After I left for college, my parents began spending their summers in Big Sky, Montana.  Next my brother decided to attend college in Montana (much to the chagrin of our California residency status).  After that, summers turned into four or five months.  And then a couple of years ago they (my parents…my brother never did come back) sold their house in San Diego and moved to Montana full-time.  This means that three-quarters of my immediate family live in a place far, far away.

Which also means visiting is no longer as easy as hopping on the 405 freeway and heading South.  Lucky for TD and I,  we got to spend a week with them earlier this month.

There are lots of places that don’t quite live up to their names.  Los Angeles is just about the best example I can think of.  But, step off the plane in Montana and you immediately understand why it’s called Big Sky Country.  Exhibit number 1: the view off of the backside of my parent’s property in the gloaming.

Or perhaps from a slightly different angle.  One morning I came upstairs to see that during the night, someone had installed a sculpture of Bambi right in the middle of the picture window below.  Then the sculpture moved…which was even weirder…until I realized that it was an actual fawn who was soon joined by it’s brother/sister as they happily bounced down the hill to meet their mother waiting in the tall grasses below.

Speaking of wildlife.  Here is the view from their front porch.  It took me a couple of days to get used to the sounds of horses kvetching with one another between nibbles of tall grass.  I had no idea they made so much noise.

In the months leading up to our trip, my mother and I volleyed back and forth ideas for recipes and meal plans.  The notion that the  hostess apple did not fall far from the tree has never been more concerning our own family tree. Just ask TD.   After much consideration we picked a couple of recipes to make for this special edition (and next week’s) of the Misanthropic Hostess goes on the road.

My parents’ live at about 5500 feet elevation so my mom thought it would be fun to experiment with yeast.  In the form a cinnamon rolls.  We looked through several recipe books and finally decided on one from the 2010 Sunset Cookbook.  Yeast is added to warm water and left to sit and reconstitute (think sea monkeys).

Then flour, sugar, a bit of butter and salt are added and kneaded.  Here is where we came upon our first high altitude adjustment.  At sea level, the flour amount was perfect.  At over 5,000 feet I needed to add in about a 1/2 C of additional flour (one TBS at a time).  Even at this much additional flour, the dough was probably stickier than the original recipe intended.  But, I happen to think a stickier yeast dough yields a more tender product.  We weren’t making pizza dough after all.

We then let the dough proof in a warm corner until it doubled in size.

Once gently punched down, the dough was divided into two pieces and each was rolled-out to a bout 10X17 inches.

A layer of soft butter covered the entire rectangle followed by cinnamon and sugar.

After this, it was time to add the roll to the cinnamon (see what I did there?).

Roll from the long end.

Then cut into 6 or 12 equal pieces.  In the photo below, we’re trying the six-piece method.  I also tried it with twelve and much preferred the results of the latter.

Why yes, this was the latter.  Once place on the baking sheet, the dough gets a second proofing.

Into the oven for just under half and hour and not only does your house smell good enough to attract Hansel, Gretel, all three pigs  and the Big Bad Wolf himself, but you also get beautiful golden-brown pinwheels of heaven.

Oh, but we’re not done yet.  A simple confectioner’s sugar, vanilla and water icing tops the whole lot.

It’s probably not appropriate to mention pornography in the same post as my parents but dude.

This is some serious food porn.

Big Sky Cinnamon Buns

Adapted from Grandma’s Carroll’s Cinnamon Rolls, The Sunset Cookbook (2010, Oxmoor House)

Ingredients

• 1 1/4 C milk (use what you have in the fridge)
• 1 package (2 1/4) active dry yeast
• 1 1/4 C plus 3 TBS granulated sugar
• 3/4 C plus 2 TBS butter at room temp
• 1 1/2 tsp salt
• 5 1/4 C flour plus more if needed
• 1/4 C cinnamon
• 3 C powdered sugar
• 2 tsp vanilla

Preparation

1. In the bowl of a standing mixer, add yeast to 1 C of warm water.  Let stand for 5 minutes.
2. Over low heat, warm milk in a saucepan.
3. Whisk together 3 TBS sugar, 3 1/2 C of the flour and salt.
4. Add flour mixture, milk and 2 TBS butter to rested yeast and water mixture.  Mix until dough begins to look slightly elastic (will still be really wet and sticky).
5. Switch to dough hook, add in remaining flour and mix 5-7 minutes, until the dough begins to pull away from the sides.  As a note–in high altitude, I had to add another 1/2 C of flour.  At sea level the recipe did not need to be adjusted.
6. Place dough in a clean, oiled bowl and either cover with plastic wrap or a towel and allow to double in size (1-2 hours).
7. While dough is proofing combined cinnamon and remaining sugar.
8. Divide dough in half placing first half on to a floured work surface.  Carefully roll-out dough until it is roughly a 10X16 inch rectangle.  Be sure to lift dough as you are working so that it does not stick to the board.
9. Spread half of the remaining butter evenly over rolled-out dough.
10. Sprinkle half of the cinnamon-sugar mixture over buttered dough.
11. Working with the long-end, carefully roll dough into a log.
12. Divide log into 12 equal disks and place on to a 10X16 (half-sheet) parchment-lined baking sheet so that they fill up half the sheet.
13. Repeat with second half of dough.  There will be some spaces in between each roll.  This is fine as the dough will expand during the second proofing and baking process.
14. Wrap baking sheet tightly and let rise again (1-1 1/2 hours).
15. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and place rack in the middle of the oven.
16. Unwrap baking sheet and bake rolls until slightly brown on top (about 25 minutes).
17. Remove rolls from oven and let sit for 10 minutes.
18. While rolls are resting, combine powdered sugar, vanilla and enough water for desired texture of frosting.
19. Frost rolls.

Notes:

• Finished rolls can be wrapped in plastic and frozen.  Just zap in microwave to reheat.
• This would be a great brunch dish.  The evening before, complete the recipe up to the second proofing.  Once the rolls have risen, place still covered in fridge.  On the morning of, remove from fridge an hour before baking and then bake as directed.

Why yes, I do sit around thinking about ways to incorporate Nutella into unsuspecting recipes.  Would you expect any less?

Actually, I originally planned to tackle Pierre Herme’s infamous Nutella tart for this post.  However, as I was reading through the recipe one last time I realized that the finished product would have to be refrigerated.  Generally this isn’t a big deal but. Refrigerated items don’t travel well to work.  Also not usually a big deal but.  TD was going to be out of town leaving me all alone with what is effectively Misanthropic Hostess kryptonite.  As I stood there with the bag of hazelnuts in my hand I had a vision of TD returning from travel to find me passed-out in the kitchen with an empty tart pan and hazelnut crumbs as evidence. Now that would be embarrassing.

So, I made a quick U-turn and decided to use the same ingredients for cookies.  There are quite a few recipes out there for cookies with Nutella as a main ingredient.  But, I couldn’t be bothered to look them up and so came up with my own.

It starts with toasting some hazelnuts.

Now, if you can, get them without the shells.  If not, once the nuts are toasted you will need to remove the hulls.  To do this, gently rub each one (yes, each one) between the folds of a kitchen towel.  Trust me, it’s worth it. Once naked, the nuts get a good chop.

Then of course there is the Nutella.  For the longest time I had the willpower to limit my Nutella intake to Europe or stays in Sofitel hotels.  We’d go to Europe (doesn’t matter which country), I’d eat the stuff everyday while there and then valiantly ignore it when in the U.S. (unless staying at an aforementioned Sofitel).   Alas, like my first kiss, I can’t even remember how the domestic seal was broken.  All I can tell you is that in our household, we go through jars of Nutella  much faster than we consume jars of peanut butter.  And.  I’m the only one who eats it.  Oops.

Oh.  Want to hear a secret about Nutella?  Even though it says not to, try putting it in the fridge.  Instant Nutella fudge. And, it takes longer to eat because you have to sort of scrape it gently with a spoon to get any leverage.  Oh wait.  Did I just say that out loud?

Here is the deal.  Butter, sugar and Nutella gets creamed together.  Then dry ingredients are added along with the chopped hazelnuts and chopped chocolate (chocolate chips would work just fine of course).

The result: Oooh Nutella-la!

Nutella Cookies

The Misanthropic Hostess

Ingredients

• 16 TBS butter (2 sticks)
• 3/4 C Nutella
• 2/3 C granulated or superfine sugar
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 large egg plus one egg yolk
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 2 2/3 C all purpose flour
• 1 C toasted hazelnuts
• 1 C chopped chocolate or chocolate chips

Preparation

1. Toast hazelnuts in a 350 degree oven for 15 to 20 minutes.  While still warm, remove hulls from nuts using a clean dishcloth.  Once cool, give nuts a rough chop.
2. In a standing mixer, cream butter, sugar and salt.
3. Add in Nutella and beat until fluffy (2-3 minutes).
4. Add in egg, combine, then add-in yolk and vanilla.
5. Mix-in flour until just incorporated.
6. Fold in nuts and chocolate pieces.
7. Refrigerate for at least an hour (I like to do it over night).
8. Preheat oven to 375 degrees, line baking sheets with parchment paper.
9. Spoon or scoop-out dough to desired size and place on cookie sheets.  Bake for 6-10 minutes.

Yes.  You are in the right place.

Nope, we’re not turning on the oven today.

Just chopping up some colorful treats.

Then throwing them together.

For a surprising take on salsa.  Just add pita chips!

Watermelon Salsa

Ingredients

• 1 English cucumber, seeds removed and cubed
• 2-3 C seedless watermelon, cubed
• 1 large or two small shallots minced (purple onion would also work)
• 3 TBS (or to taste) fresh mint, chopped
• 1/2-1 C feta cheese, crumbled or cubed
• Salt, pepper, olive oil and a mild vinegar to taste
• Other tasty add-ins
• Olives, tomatoes, basil, the kitchen sink

Preparation

• As you can tell, this is one of those, “there isn’t really a recipe recipes.”  Oh, I’m sure you could find a recipe for watermelon salsa if you looked, but, I’ve never looked. Once everything is cut, combine, gently toss and let marinate for several hours.  Yep…that’s pretty much it.

It’s okay, I’m still thinking about Mr. Darcy as well.

I wasn’t kidding about the scones.  And because I certainly haven’t had enough of them, I’m bringing back the blueberries.  Well, dried blueberries.  Those of you scone purists may be happier with this scone recipe than last week’s frosted version.  Also a Dorie Greenspan  (slight) adaptation, this simple base would work well with any kind of dried fruit (the original calls for currents).

The method and ingredients are very similar: cold butter, flour, a little sugar, a little cream and an egg.

Plus the fruit.

Gently shape into a couple of wheels and cut.

Not one to leave a good thing alone, I couldn’t keep myself from adding a sprinkle of turbinado sugar for a little crunch.  You could easily go plain or use regular granulated sugar.

All lined-up and read to go.

I think this recipe took maybe 10 minutes to throw together.  And then another 20 in the oven.  With a recipe this quick, why would you ever buy them from the bakery again?

Cream Scones

Dorie Greenspan, Baking from my home to yours, Houghton Mifflin Company

Ingredients

• 1 large egg
• 2/3 C cold heavy cream
• 2 C all-purpose flour
• 2 TBS sugar
• 1 TBS baking powder
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 5 TBS unsalted butter, cut into small pieces and chilled
• 3/4 C moist, plump currants (or blueberries or raisins)
• Turbinado or granulated sugar for topping if desired

Procedure

• Position rack in the center of the oven, preheat to 400 degrees.
• Line baking sheet with parchment.
• Stir the egg and cream together.
• Whisk together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt in a large bowl.
• Drop-in butter and using your fingertips, rub butter into dry ingredients until the mixture is pebbly (everything from oatmeal flake to pea sized is just fine according to Dorie).
• Pour the egg and cream over the dry ingredients and stir with a fork until the dough just comes together (it will be sticky).
• Stir in the currents and gently knead the dough while still in the bowl (8-10 times).
• Divide dough in half, shape into disks and turn-out onto a lightly floured work surface.
• Cut each disk into six wedges.  If desired, sprinkle sugar over each scone.
• Places scones on baking sheet and bake for 20-22 minutes or until the tops are golden brown.
• Let cool on rack.

In general, words and phrases that have been purposely spelled incorrectly (usually as a means of kitschifying said word or term) earn a blanket boycott from me.  I don’t care how good the pancakes at the Koffee Kart in Manhattan Beach happen to be.  I refuse to step foot inside the place.

There is one exception. Embarrassing as it is to admit (and it’s okay, you can laugh), in our household we call blueberries baluberries.  After the Balu the cat.  You know, the Kitchen God (who happens to be sitting in my lap as I type this post).

I told you it was okay to laugh!

Anyhow.  I wait all year for baluberry season when they finally become inexpensive enough to cook with.  And one of my favorite recipes using this delicious little berry is Martha Stewart’s blueberry recipe from her Baking Handbook.  I know Martha’s recipes don’t always work.  But trust me, this one does and with some minor adjustments here, I think I’ve made it perfect.  Or, at the very least, baluberry worthy.

We start with a secret technique that will keep the berries from migrating to the bottom of the muffin tin.  After you’ve washed and allowed the berries to dry, add them to a collander and dust a couple of teaspoons of flour over them shaking the sieve so that all the berries get an even coat.

My twist on the recipe: buttermilk and lemon zest (and kitty whispers).

Once the muffins are in the oven, it’s nappy time.

And it what seems like no-time, you’ve got a batch of pretty amazing baluberry muffins.

See!  Evenly distributed berries.  Cool or what?

No.  I’m not serious about the kitty whispers.  Come on!

Baluberry Muffins

Adapted from Martha Stewart’s Baking Handbook (Clarkson Potter  Publishers, New York)

Makes 1 dozen

Ingredients

• 8 TBS (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temp.
• 2 C all purpose flour
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• zest of one lemon
• 2 C fresh blueberries
• 1 C sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 C buttermilk (mild would work just fine)

Preparation

1. Preheat oven to 375, place rack in center of oven.  Either fill muffin pan with liners or butter and flour each muffin mold.
2. Whisk together flour, baking powder and salt.  Working over the bowl with a sieve or collander, toss the blueberries with 1 1/2 tsp flour.  Set blueberries aside in a separate bowl.
3. In a standing mixer fitted with a paddle attachment or using a hand mixer, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy (about 3 minutes).
4. Add-in the eggs one-at-a time, mix-in vanilla and lemon zest.
5. With the mixer on low, add in flour mixture and mix until flour is just combined.
6. Add-in milk and combine.
7. With a spatula, gently mix-in blueberries.  Divide batter into pan.
8. Bake until an inserted toothpick comes-out clean (about 30 minutes).