Well, really, it’s Mr. Chang’s neighborhood. As in David Chang of Momofuko Milk Bar (I say that like I’ve been there…which I haven’t).
Several months ago I started “hearing” about something called crack pie. Further research determined that crack pie is actually a baked good made at Milk Bar that is so good, people willingly pay $40 for it. If my ninth grade geometry is correct, this means that people are happily shelling out around 30 cents for each cubic inch of a 9 inch pie. For context, a Marie Calendar’s pie runs about $15 or about 12 cents a cubic inch. Of course, the price tag is simply an indicator of how good this pie supposedly is. Pair an addictive substance with an individual’s willingness to pay outrageous prices for it and I get it: Crack Pie.
So of course I had to see what the big deal was. I had to make some. In bar form.
Luckily, there are a couple of recipes for the stuff floating around out there. I settled on one from the Los Angeles Times.
First things first: a review of the recipe revealed that the pie does not actually contain crack. This was quite a relief to me as I was planning to bring the bars to work and really didn’t want to have to go through an after-school special type scenario with human resources. I will warn you though, what this recipe lacks in crack it makes up for in butter. Nearly a pound of the stuff goes into two pies (or in my case, one 9X13 pan of bars). By comparison, my favorite super rich brownie recipe only calls for half the butter for the same yield.
Everything starts off innocently enough with an oatmeal cookie base.
For me, there is a certain amount of pleasure in making one giant cookie.
Once cooled, the cookie gets crumbled and has a party with some sugar and of course, more butter.
This is then pressed into your tin or pan of choice and becomes the pie’s crust.
As the crust rests, butter, eight (you read that right) eggs yolks, sugar and another cup of butter come together to make the filling.
And then into the oven.
What comes out is something that now knowing what goes into the recipe, I could never make for someone I liked in good faith. Elmo talks about sometimes foods. This is kind of a “once a year and then call your cardiologist” food. They really are criminally rich and gooey. There is a good chance that Whitney Houston would in fact, think they are whack.
Though unfortunately named (though maybe more enticing than “heart attack pie”), crack pie is true to its title. It is verry verry good. If not, verry verry bad for you.
And maybe, just maybe, while horribly politically incorrect, if Eddie Murphy had ever discussed baked goods in his SNL Mr. Robinson skits, this would have been his weapon of choice.
I’m going to link to the original recipe here instead of listing it because other than making it in bar rather than pie form, I’ve made no changes to the original.